Seven

Saturday, February 28, 2015

He would have been 7 today. 

Had someone told me 7 years ago where I would be today in my grief journey, I never would have believed it. 
Never. 
I remember thinking "I'll never be the same." And while that is true, I'm not the same, and won't ever be, I mean that in a totally different way than I did 7 years ago. 

 I thought I'd never be able to smile again, "how could I smile when all I do is cry?" I smile everyday. I smile when I pour my coffee that Robb makes for me every morning. I smile when I bring Grayden to kindergarten everyday and he prays for himself to grow big and strong. I smile everyday when Sadler says "Mom, you know something….." at least 10 times an hour. I smile whenever I see Jovie smile at me with her silly toothy grin and squinty eyes whenever she catches me looking at her. I smile at a text from a friend. A herd of deer in the back yard. A Facebook post announcing the birth of a new baby. 
I smile. 
Everyday.

 I thought I'd never be able to laugh again, "how could I laugh when my heart is so sad and broken?" I laugh everyday. I laugh at Robb's made up songs. I laugh when Grayden tells me he had a bad dream about me making him eat green peppers for snack time when everyone else had crackers and cheese. I laugh when Sadler asks me if Jesus is a boy or a girl. I laugh when Jovie makes a growling noise every time she see a picture of a dog. I laugh at a song. A movie. A funny line in a good book. 
I laugh. 
Everyday. 

I thought I'd never be able to be happy again, "how can I be happy when I'm so devastated?" I am happy. I'm happily married to the best husband a girl can ask for. I spend my days with my 3 happy, healthy children. I'm happy being with my family. Being with my friends. I'm happy being the woman God created me to be. 
I am happy. 

I still struggle, and sometimes I still cry. I'll cry because I'm sad and because I miss him. And because I still wonder 'why?' But I also cry because I'm thankful and blessed. And because I know God is faithful. 

 "Weeping may last through the night but joy comes in the morning" Psalm 30:5





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Insta Friday

Friday, February 27, 2015



Day 1 of the IF: Gathering in Zeeland 
My sister Lisa and friend Stefanie spent the weekend at a church in zeeland that was doing a live simulcast of the IF: Gathering women's conferences that was held in Austin. It was an amazing weekend. 


ready for day 2.

Makenna's 4th birthday

outdoor discovery center Sunday afternoon

tuning in to more sessions online of the IF Gathering that I missed. 

snowmobiling by Grandma and Grandpa's house

Her biggest bro is always bringing her little snack cups. So sweet. He knows the way to her heart! He's going to make a great husband to one lucky lady one day!

squeezed her into her "fearfully and wonderfully made" tee one last time for Valentines week 

again, making up snack plates for everyone, love his servants heart!

100th day of school. We worked on his hat together. 100 perler beads!

Excited for his V-day party at school!

another blood draw for this poor peanut

we recently heard that Sadler's birth mom would like some pictures and an update on him, so I took on the tough task of sorting through the past 4 years of pictures to print for her. It was a very welcomed surprise, and I was happy to do that for her. We are praying that this will lead to the beginning of a new relationship with her. 

tea and donuts with a friend. 

I had some mom guilt over not doing any cutesy pinterest valentines for the boys, but realized this was what the boys wanted, and I didn't need to try to impress the other moms. It was tough for me, but I'm working on it!

he put himself to bed at 6:30 one night, we couldn't find him anywhere, until Robb found him in bed, zonked out! sweet love. 

this is as festive as it gets for my kindergartner at his Valentines Day party!
so handsome!

she has the life!

happy to report that her blood work came back normal! Praise God!

ella snuggles

so cute!

Baptism day for Ella! 

Tons of fun playing on Grandma and Grandpa's wii!

Kicking off a new week with a healthy breakfast and the book of Hebrews with IF: equip. 

She would stay in the tub all day if she could!

"Jovie, this is how you play trucks!"

we had 6 deer in our backyard last week!

waiting to pick big brother up from school!

I got hooked on this podcast!

snow day selfies!

rub-a-dub-dub, two babies in the tub. 

busy little momma!

about to tip over to see the construction equipment on TV!

all dressed for Spring!

loving their lazy snow day!

snow day reading material 

family fun at SkyZone!

SO fun!

had a great moms night out last Saturday with Anne; steak dinner, starbucks and shopping! 

headbands, bows, dresses, tights, furry pink boots and remote controls?!

best part of my Sunday, "The Best Yes" book discussion with my girls in the comfort of my robe :)

So fun watching her figure things out!

Robb left for a few days to go to Indy for a work conference, Sadler missed him already after only a couple hours. 

We spend so much of our time running errands in the restroom. What is it about 3 year olds needing to go at every stop?!

getting cozy in Ella's seat! She loves those things!

Someone is kinda jealous :) 
Loved feeding Ella while my sister fed me and my kids Tuesday night! So nice not having to cook for just me and the kids while Robb was away.

Extra large cup of coffee to get through one last day of single mommy-hood. 

sleepy babe + bookstore + gift card to spend = bliss

I wish I had a close up of her face while she was snacking on the floor, girlfriend was so nervous the dog was gonna snatch her snack!

Sadler was so excited about the new shapes pasta I got at Aldi, he wanted me to take a picture! Ha!

Last night's dinner may not look appetizing prior to being cooked, but the Wildtree Stuffed Italian Pork Tenderloin was amazing! 


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